I want to tell the story

2012-01-29T12:20:00.001+08:00

"Hear my cry, O God;

Attend to my prayer.

From the end of the earth I will cry to You,

When my heart is overwhelmed;

Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

For You have been a shelter for me,

A strong tower from the enemy.

I will abide in Your tabernacle forever;

I will trust in the shelter of Your wings."

Psalm 61:1-4

2012-01-23T22:59:00.002+08:00

I don't like roller-coaster rides, especially when there are drops. While taking battlestar at USS, I almost cried on the roller-coaster. Wonder if it is natural or it's just me that is like that - not enjoying, being frightened, and crying whether on real roller-coasters or on life's roller-coasters. Haven't been able to find the answer to any of these. Thinking perhaps caring less will prevent me from having the many steep drops I am so tired of and perhaps be able to enjoy the peaceful, gentle, and happy ride which I have always been hoping for :(

2012-01-19T10:08:00.003+08:00

Why are you cast down, O my soul?

And why are you disquieted within me?

Hope in God;

For I shall yet praise Him,

The help of my countenance and my God.

Psalm 43:5

2012-01-17T11:33:00.004+08:00

Indeed, You have made my days as handbreaths,

And my age is as nothing before You;

Certainly every man at his best state is but vapour.

Surely every man walks about like a shadow;

Surely they busy themselves in vain;

He heaps up riches, and does not know who will gather them.

And now, Lord, what do I wait for?

My hope is in You.

Psalm 39:5-7

2012-01-13T11:17:00.004+08:00

One thing I have desired of the LORD,

That will I seek:

That I may dwell in the house of the LORD

All the days of my life,

To behold the beauty of the LORD,

And to inquire in His temple.

For in the time of trouble

He shall hide me in His pavilion;

In the secret place of His tabernacle

He shall hide me;

He shall set me high upon a rock. :)

Psalm 27:4-5

2012-01-02T23:33:00.004+08:00

When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers,

The moon and the stars, which You have ordained,

What is man that You are mindful of him,

And the son of man that You visit him?

For you have made him a little lower than the angels,

And You have crowned him with glory and honour.

You have made him to have dominion over the works of Your hands;

You have put all things under his feet,

All sheep and oxen - Even the beasts of the field,

The birds of the air, And the fish of the sea

That pass through the paths of the seas.

O LORD, our Lord,

How excellent is Your name in all the earth!

Psalm 8:3-9

2011-09-13T19:11:00.003+08:00

Just like how I got the shock of my life for my first test in JC, I got a shock for my first test in uni. And just like how I got only 39 marks for that test, I'm going to get around the same grade for this test... :(

2011-09-11T00:46:00.005+08:00

Each and every one of them are so very precious in the sight of God.

So I need to learn to guide the sheep that bites, even if it means to continue getting bitten.

My Myanmar Trip Reflection (24 Dec 10 – 2 Jan 11)

2011-01-21T13:04:00.025+08:00

I really thank God for His grace and mercy that I am able to be part of a group of 7 choir members to visit Myanmar together with Pr Shee, Dn Isaiah & Sis Lanchow last December. I feel the grace of God even more so because of my illness just before the trip. I was involved in Theolo just directly before the trip and had fallen ill with fever, flu and cough which became more serious the day before we left for Myanmar. I had questioned God at that time why He allowed me to fall sick at such a time when I was just about to go to Myanmar. However only during the trip did it dawn upon me how God wanted me to completely rely and trust in Him throughout this trip and for me to do so, I needed to be sick to know that it is not by my own strength but by His grace and mercy that I was made well. If I had been well and strong, I wouldn’t have prayed as hard as I did and rely on God. I would have taken everything for granted and wouldn’t treat it as the grace of God for me to be able to go to Myanmar. Now I see the beautiful will of God behind it all. Also because of my illness, my parents had strongly discouraged me to go to Myanmar and I had seriously thought of withdrawing from this trip. However, I really wished to go to Myanmar and I knew that only God could heal me in such a short period of time. Thus I prayed for His healing with an earnestness (and desperateness) I never had and I really thank God for healing my fever in one night and letting me be well enough to leave for Myanmar the next day. Jehovah Rapha – The Lord is the Healer. I could feel God working with me even before the trip started! Hence I started off this trip with a very thankful/ grateful heart.

The six, +one :D

Because I lowered my expectations for this trip, I found Myanmar better than I expected. My first impression of the Myanmar church was that it was very warm. The adults hosted us with much love and joy and cooked a delicious love feast (literally feast in the Myanmar sense) for us. They were so glad to have about 10 people visiting them that some even made the effort to come from afar to Yangon church to host us. Said the cheerful Sis Marzaw, “When I heard that 10 people were coming, I told myself I MUST come, so I took leave from work and came.” I was touched and rejoiced at their hospitality and warmth! The children were all very friendly, obedient and cute! They welcomed us with many smiles and I truly felt welcomed J

The feast we had (Far right - Sis Marzaw)

We managed to reach Myanmar in time to attend the last day of the Spiritual Meeting at Yangon as well as the Sabbath. Helped to prepare the grapes and flour for making the grape juice and unleavened bread for Holy Communion. This was a service to God which I have never done before. When we arrived at the church early in the morning for the Morning Prayer, most of the children were already around in church. They helped to clean up the area and started their children class about the same time as the Morning Prayer for adults started. Considering how some of them stay far away from the church and lack proper transport facilities, I really thank God for the effort these people take to come to church on time for the early Morning Prayer, even bringing their young children along.I feel that this is really something the Singapore church members who have been so blessed is lacking in and should learn and emulate from. The Lord has blessed us with so many things, why are we still so lackadaisical in worshipping and serving Him? Another thing that struck me was how the Yangon church members sang hymns. They do it with a sincere heart and really lift up their voices to sing praises to the God most high. However a regrettable thing is because of the lack of a keyboardist and hymnbooks with piano scores and annotation, they are unable to get the correct pitch, rhythm and tempo for the hymns. As the choir, I really hope to be able to correct this and I thank God for giving us the chance to do it the following week.

The children who were already at the gate to welcome us when we arrived early in the morning

Praising the Lord with a sincere heart

Travelling 14 hours in a coach followed by 12 hours in a lorry fitted with seats on roads that weren’t too smooth up North to Kalay Myo was indeed a new experience for me. I wouldn’t say that it was an arduous journey but it was indeed a ‘toughen-me-up’ experience. What was most difficult for me was the time period towards the end of the journey where my back was so sore I could no longer lean on the backrest because I was sitting on a metal chair and had been bumping around for the last 12 hours. I also started to feel very queasy because we had been ‘bumping’ for so long and I could no longer fall asleep. The front seat I was sitting on was also a very strategic location for cool air in a hot day. Unfortunately, it was a very cold day :S Still, I would like to thank God for guiding us safely through this long journey without any accidents and severe illnesses. Although there were instances when the tyre punctured, we did not have to sleep at the road side because the vehicle broke down. Also the lorry was fitted with seats which were never seen before according to Pr Shee and Dn Isaiah. God’s grace aboundeth more, we just need to learn how to count our blessings. Only after washing up at the hotel did I realise the amount of huge bruises I had all over my body. I did not know I had hit so many things and did not feel any pain during the journey. I thank God for keeping all of us safe!

The most comfortable part of the journey

The view on the way was mostly the same as the above for the first few hours

Our little truck

Thank God for these seats! :)

The day after arriving in Kalay Myo, we had a very fulfilling time visiting many households around the Sanmyo church. Many of them are poor and sick, yet they are able to keep their faith instead of murmuring against God and leaving the church. If I were put in their shoes, I really wonder whether I will be able to have the same faith as they do. I will always keep in my heart the words of faith spoken by this lady who insisted on following the True Jesus Church when the TJC Sanmyo church was divided and our church building was taken away by another the church of god. She said, “If there is a wine bottle, which writes ‘wine bottle’ on the surface, but has no wine in it, it is not genuine wine.” Likewise, if the church does not have the truth, even if it has a magnificent exterior (church building), it is not the true church. We must learn to always follow and look out for the ‘wine’ (truth) and not be blinded and led astray by the physical things we see. However, we heard of quite a number of deaths in the families we visited, some from accidents and others from illnesses. Only after coming to Myanmar and hearing so much do I truly feel the fragility of life and how everything lies in the hands of God. Along the way, we were stopped by immigration officers but thank God that they did not create much problem for us and that His work could be continued smoothly. Back in Sanmyo church, when we had our meals, I noticed that most of the time the children were the ones serving us food and drinks and clearing the dishes. They take the initiative and did not have to be reminded but rather serve with a willing heart. This is a very big contrast from the children in Singapore and I came to realise that this stark contrast is due to the difference in the way the children were brought up and taught in these two different environments. Still, I sincerely hope for the children in Singapore to take more initiative in serving the Lord.

Our church in Sanmyo (Far Left - Pr Titus who takes care of the churches in North-East Myanmar)

The feast we have

Far left - The lady who managed to lead 5 families back to TJC because of her great faith

Background - The church building which was originally ours and now belongs to the church of god

The prayer sessions of the Spiritual Meeting in Sanmyo church are good training. Everyone, including the old would pray for a full 30 minutes during the prayer sessions kneeling on hard wooden floors without any kneeling pads. Some of them, especially the older members, would have difficulty getting up from their kneeling positions after the prayers. Yet, with a simple faith, these people continue kneeling down to God in their prayers reverently and sincerely. The members in Sanmyo church treated us with much warmth and hospitality. Every day after services, we will have countless people coming to shake our hands to give us their greetings even though we had just seen and shook hands with them the day before in church. While the local members ate their usual fare of lots of white rice, vegetables and potato, we had beef and noodles (considered a luxury) for our meals. These members really give the best they can to us instead of having these luxurious food for themselves. Their love is not one that is self-seeking but full of giving. We also had the opportunity to teach the children class for one session during the Spiritual Meeting and although it was an impromptu one, the children were very cooperative and they never showed any impatience with us. Even the older children (15 year-olds) nicely did and obeyed any instructions we gave them, doing all the actions for the children hymns together without complaining that it was too childish or refusing to sing. My first thought when reflecting was that we must really let the Singapore kids look at them and learn from them! The kids in Myanmar are also very fast learners and have very good memory! They actually remember the Chinese hymns taught by Sis Waileng and Sis Qing Qing previously. I had a very enjoyable session interacting with this obedient group of kids.

The children of Kalay Myo having RE class

We had a once in a lifetime experience when we went to L where we held our evangelical service at a Reformed Presbyterian Church. We had a warm and friendly reception by the members of the Presbyterian Church. This – going to the church building of another and holding our own service there for the members of that church – would have been something out of our imagination in Singapore. Thank God for this opportunity of evangelism where we had the chance to sing and testify for Christ at a place we will never dream of in Singapore. Our church inN, even though small and simply furnitured, was a church I felt the most comfortable in because I sincerely felt the simplicity and purity of the church as well as their heart in worshipping God. This village of N really felt like a village with very little vehicles like motorcycles. More often than not, we will see people travelling on a cart pulled by two cows joined by a yoke. The families reared their own pigs and chicken for their own consumption and almost every house was made purely of wood. Being here made me feel much closer to nature and appreciate the beautiful handiwork of God. At night, the sky was filled with many beautiful twinkling stars! I was really fascinated by the beauty of God’s creation. Praise the Lord!

Had the chance to present hymns at the Reformed Presbyterian Church

Many from other churches attended this Evangelistic Service held by us.

Our church in N

The interior is simply furnitured

Yet I felt so comfortable and happy here

Common sight in this village. It is a mode of transport

Beautiful scenery! :)

We had the opportunity to witness the baptism at the river followed by footwashing. God’s grace is indeed great. Anywhere and everywhere, His grace is freely given to all. It just matters whether one has the faith to accept this grace of God. Thank God Sanmyo church is growing, 12 people were added to the fold during this baptism. I pray and hope that these people will be able to grow, mature, and keep their faith in the Lord, never to leave Him. While singing our last song ‘Love Grows Here’ at Sanmyo church, I almost teared as I looked at the members and remembered the love and care they showed us through so many days here at Sanmyo church. Indeed, love grows here and I have never stopped receiving the love of these members for the past few days. I remembered how this brother (Mang) offered up his pig which he could have sold for US$85 to pay his debts. He could not even afford treatment for his wife but yet he had so much faith and love to offer to the Lord. He just reminds me of the widow with the 2 copper mites, giving everything she had to the Lord. May God remember their love and may we learn from them! We also had the opportunity to hold an evangelical service at the home of Christians from another church. This family of unbelievers not only opened their house for us, but also invited their neighbours and relatives to gather for our service. This is the first time I saw/heard a person shed tears because of the word of God which he heard. Thank God that the truth that we preach is able to move others. From the people, to their lifestyle, the church, and all that I experience here, I must say that I truly am blessed, but with more blessing and gifts surely comes more expectation and responsibilities and what can I do but to give myself up for the Lord? I also learnt from the sharing and encouragement of Dn Isaiah, “Jesus Christ suffered so much for all of us. We are just suffering a little for the people of Myanmar.” – We just have to think of Jesus and we’ll have the love and strength to go on! Another thing he said, “They are like Lazarus and we the rich man in all aspects.” – Thus we have to learn to give all that we have. 施了再施！

My first time seeing cows plowing a land. Are we willing to bear the yoke on the other side of Christ?

The baptismal site, the stream of living water

The 12 souls added to the fold :)

Footwashing

'Love Grows Here'

Goodbye Sanmyo church

We returned to Yangon from Kalay Myo after one week and attended the Friday night as well as Sabbath services at the Yangon church. As compared to the Spiritual Meeting one week ago, the church was much quieter and there were less people attending the Friday night service. I wonder if I interpret this correctly and the church in Yangon is facing the same situation as in Singapore with some only Spiritual Meeting church goers. However, I was really touched when we sang hymns during the hymn singing session and opening hymn. The members have improved much! The tempo was correct, and the rhythm and tune were all accurate except for some minor mistakes. (Perhaps it was because there were less people around.) Nevertheless, the people sang from their heart and they have really beautiful voices. I suddenly had the heart to want to help them improve even more in all aspects. I wanted to be a good example for them and to play the keyboard to guide them with all my heart, soul, strength and mind. I also wanted to teach a few of the members how to play the keyboard so that they can guide and improve the hymn singing of the Yangon church. I thank God for the opportunity to do this but there was little I could do due to the lack of time.

After being to Kalay Myo and returning to this same hotel and room in Yangon one week later, I couldn’t help but start to see things from a very different perspective. While I complained about how this hotel was lousy and dirty previously during my first night at this Yangon hotel room when I first touched down from Singapore, now being back at the exact same room, I couldn’t help but exclaim how clean, comfortable and luxurious this room was. I began to see and appreciate the things I once took for granted. For example, the nice bathroom door, the bathroom wall with nice patterns, the never flickering bright light in the toilet, the hot water, the carpeted floor, the television in the room etc. I really thank God. Even though the room is still in the same state as when I first arrived, I began to appreciate the other good things I never once saw and overlook the bad things I never once failed to see. However, I came to realise that being more comfortable and having more luxurious lives would pose as distractions and pull us from God. We naturally start to concern ourselves with things other than what is really important and necessary. The time in Kalay Myo, though tough, has brought me much closer to God and allowed me to learn and appreciate more. Hence I must constantly remind myself about this and learn from Paul who disciplined himself and brought his body into subjection (1 Cor 9:27). While reflecting, it suddenly dawned upon me that being content in a comfortable and satisfactory situation like how I was in the Yangon hotel was not sufficient. I also should be able to be content in an uncomfortable situation because I have Christ!

Back at Yangon. Thank God we managed to get a flight back

Love feast :)

The Sabbath morning prayer in Yangon church starts at 9.30am and I was encouraged to see that there were a considerable number of people who turned up for this prayer session. As I started praying, I had two 4-year-old girls kneeling next to me and I somewhat assumed after awhile that these girls had ran away because there wasn’t any disturbance to my prayer. As I opened my eyes when the prayer ended, true enough, one of them had disappeared. However the other little girl was in the same kneeling position as she was when the prayer started. She had obediently prayed next to me all the way through the whole prayer which lasted about 20-30 minutes and it was a really heartening sight to me. How will we be able to train our Singapore children to reach this standard? Even though there was only one RE class which couldn’t cater to the needs of each individual level of students, I felt that the children were still well-disciplined, obedient and respectful of their teacher as well as the word of God. Even though we know that young children have a short attention span of only about 10-15 minutes, all of the students (including the young children) sat down obediently and listened while the teacher spoke without causing any disturbance. They obeyed all the instructions of the teacher without complaining and sang hymns with the actions in a loud and orderly manner. Seeing this is a reminder to ourselves, we really have to put in the extra effort to teach the Singapore children well. For the Sabbath afternoon service, instead of having the usual sermon, Pr Timothy dedicated the whole service to hymn singing and correcting the singing of the members in church. Thank God for this opportunity the choir had! Singing for 1.5 hours without resting on a hot afternoon wasn’t easy, but because of the moving of the Lord, each and every choir member was so keen on doing this that we kept telling Pr Timothy to continue on with the session despite our tiredness. Thank God, I really felt the unity of our hearts and minds in serving Him then.

Children of all ages obediently listening to the teacher

Thank God for this opportunity during the Sabbath afternoon service to guide them in hymn singing! :)

Greetings, greetings, greetings... :D

Goodbye Yangon church :(

I really couldn’t bear to leave the Yangon church and the beautiful kids that night. :’( I have never had so many hugs and kisses for goodbye.

Goodbye! May God remember all of your love :)

I thank God for guiding us safely throughout this whole trip, for listening to and answering our prayers when we cry out to Him, for guiding our footsteps, for teaching us, for letting us learn, and for giving us an experience which broadened our perspectives. Reflecting now, I feel like I’ve been edified much more from the people of Myanmar then they have been from us. The love and warmth they have given us will remain with me forever. It is these simple people and their true love, warmth and faith that changed me into one who is more genuine. I remember the time when the plane first arrived in Myanmar and looked out from the window. All I saw then were large plots of arid land without any vegetation or life. It felt as though I was coming to a wasteland. I started wondering and had my doubts about the development and the number of people living in Myanmar. However, Myanmar did not turn out to be a wasteland. It was a land of great learning and experience for me. When the airplane left and I looked out of the plane window at this same land for the last time, I was able to see Myanmar from another perspective, not only because the view in front of me was that of nice houses and factories, but because of the way I now viewed things. My sincere thanks be to all of the family in Myanmar.

May God Bless Myanmar!

*Photos courtesy of Swee Shean :D

Here are some snippets of my diary:

Day 3 in Myanmar (26.12.10) - HOMESICK :(

Day 5 in Myanmar (28.12.10) - Really cannot stand and sit the toilet! So what to do? COMPLAIN :P

Day 6 in Myanmar (29.12.10) - Finally getting used to everything, thank God! :)

Day 9 in Myanmar (1.1.11) - Cannot bear to leave :'(

2010-12-01T01:02:00.005+08:00

It's theolo tomorrow and I'm starting to feel jittery. Weird, this feels exactly the same few days before my year 1 theolo. Perhaps it is because I do not know what to expect for the next 3 weeks (which feels like a long long time but which I know will pass in the blinking of an eye). Plus along with this new role not as a student but as a counsellor comes new responsibilities, expectations and requirements. Knowing that theolo can change a person and counsellors do make a difference to the standard and degree of change, I really wonder if I'm up to task.

I pray for stamina, love and patience to guide the students and also that I may be a good role-model for them to emulate.

Stressed :(

O Lord, I need strength and wisdom. Please guide me to guide them!

Some Spiritual Meeting Thoughts

2010-11-27T22:12:00.007+08:00

Learnt the importance of wisdom today. Wisdom to know how one should act in a situation involving so many people and factors, wisdom to say the right things at the right time, wisdom to know what is God's will and what is not. It dawned upon me why Solomon, the wisest man of all ages, only asked for wisdom to discern between right and wrong. As the head of a nation, if he did not have wisdom to be just and take his stand on what is right or wrong, what would happen to the nation of Israel? With so many people and politics involved in the decisions he had to make everyday, without wisdom, wouldn't there be chaos, fightings and struggles? Most importantly, this wisdom was needed to keep not only himself but the whole nation of Israel in the path of God by knowing what is right and wrong in God's eyes.

I pray for wisdom as I continue to serve Him and take up my roles in church.

Also thank God that although this spiritual meeting has been taxing on the physical body, I feel as if my first faith and fervour for the Lord (which have been steadily going downhill) have been revived. Indeed with the right attitude, everything changes. Maybe taking a gap year isn't that bad after all but blessing in disguise :P Also thank God for the 3 truth seekers who received the Holy Spirit today. This news really lifted my weary and troubled soul. It is not only an affirmation of the faith we have that God is listening to our prayers but also gives us renewed hope and strength. :)

Hallelujah!

2010-08-24T23:08:00.003+08:00

I have decided.

I cannot take it anymore.

It is not a decision made in the spur of a moment. I tried giving myself one more semester to reconsider but I obviously could not even last 2 more days in school. Slept at 4am and woke up at 7.30am to do my readings yesterday. However, I only managed to complete half of what i'm supposed to do and ended up completely lost in class today. The stress made me cry on the bus home, cry while praying, cry while playing the piano today. I cannot imagine having constant nights like the one i just had for the next 4 years. :S By right, I'm supposed to be reading twice the amount of readings for tomorrow's class as compared to today's but I have already given up. I cannot take the stress. I'm not going for class tomorrow.

I guess what i truly want is a course that i do not dislike (It may not be what i like best but as long as i do not dislike it, it's good enough) and something that is manageable such that i still have time for myself and time for God. As long as I am able to get a stable job with reasonable pay, I'm satisfied (anything higher than ordinary would be a bonus and gift from God). After all, I'm just a sojourner here and as long as I can earn a livelihood, why make things difficult for myself? If I continue studying law, all my time would definitely be spent reading and doing assignments. No time for TV, no time for other activities (sports, outings etc.), no time for doing church work. No time for myself, no time for family & no time for God. I may have to skip Sunday youth services to complete my readings and I may be in church on Friday nights and Saturdays but my mind would be on the readings and assignments. Wonder what will this do to my faith in 4 years? Also, what would this do to my health, character, and state of mind? :S

There are definitely benefits of studying Law as I've said. Law would indeed be an interesting and enjoyable subject to study if the workload was lighter.

But if I really have to choose, what would i choose? Definitely the easier way out!

So it's more or less confirmed. I'm going to drop Law and do something else like accountancy that makes my days easier and happier. :)

Status now: either i get to transfer and continue studying, or i get another super long holiday :)

2010-08-19T23:13:00.002+08:00

I am so stressed. The stress is worse then the period before my Os, before my As. It's a whole new level I have never experienced before and here I am, 3 days into school and already feeling like my head is going to burst, understanding now how it is actually possible that one can go crazy studying, and crying like never before.

The amount of readings are crazy. You have textbooks of 900+ pages each and two textbooks per module. Before class, the amount of cases you have to read are roughly 5-9 and each case in fine print is about 30-70 pages. On top of all these cases, you have to read few chapters in your textbooks, casebooks, and extra readings of books written by other people which are about 70+ pages each in fine print. What's more, with the limited amount of time you have, you need to spend at least 2-3 hours in the library, searching the books, and online research tool to find these readings plus print them out. All in all, the number of pages you have to read can easily reach 300-500pages. All these I mentioned are only the readings for 1 module. I have 5 modules (3 law mods) :S

Other than the readings, classes are stressful as well. You need to be thinking for the whole 3 hours in order to find something to talk about i.e. class participate. But the problem is, there is always a group of other law students who are serious muggers. They are able to finish all their readings, take notes, read up on extra stuff so that they can answer the prof immediately and comment on a problem while my slow brain is still trying to process the question and my answer :S The questions they ask are not even things we read about in the reading list. It's probably something they read from some other thick book in the library. Thus the competition to class participate is so strong and I can't see how I'm going to succeed in this unless I am able to finish all my readings, take notes, read extra, prepare questions, and think extremely fast in class.

And this is only the basic. Presentations, written assignments, projects, tests and examinations have yet to come into the picture. Imagine if all these comes in. I think I'll have to work for 24 hours and still wouldn't be able to complete all these.

However, other than the work load, i would say that the course is good in the sense that it stretches your thinking, so that you consider all aspects, you improve tremendously in the use of the language, you think more critically and substantially, you express your views more confidently and articulate your thoughts more aptly.

Saying all these, being a law student for 3 days has taught me how to consider both sides and take a stand. My stand is that, I don't think i can continue like that for 4 years. Even though there will be many benefits such as those listed above if I manage to complete the course and graduate. But i do see a high chance of me either getting depression or going crazy. What more, if I really want to serve the Lord, I cannot continue in this course because this course requires me to put studies as top priority in my life and do nothing but study and I cannot do it or I'll lose my life for sure.

Dilemma. :(

2010-08-15T22:08:00.002+08:00

It's the start of uni life tmr! No time to blog in depth as I still have tons of readings awaiting me :S Received a card today which I found very encouraging so let me just regurgitate the words on the card:

You can move forward in FAITH, knowing God is preparing your path.

Every step you take has a purpose in God's plan - and that purpose is filled with LOVE!

Prayers please! I'm really scared for the start of school :(

2010-07-08T23:07:00.003+08:00

God's way is the best way, though i may not see

Why sorrows and trials often gather around me;

He ever is seeking my gold to refine,

So humbly I trust Him, My Saviour divine.

God's way is the best way,

God's way is the right way,

I'll trust in Him alway,

He knoweth the best.

~Hymn 402~

It's so amazing how God constantly reaches out you to guide and comfort even though it may be through ways so subtle :)

2010-07-07T23:28:00.001+08:00

God understands your sorrow,

He sees the falling tear.

And whispers, "I am with thee,"

Then falter not, nor fear.

He understands your longing,

Your deepest grief He shares.

Then let Him bear your burden,

He understands, and cares.

~Hymn 140~

2010-07-05T20:05:00.002+08:00

Pretending that it doesn't matter when it actually matters, and so much.

sigh.

2010-05-13T23:17:00.003+08:00

"If a son asks for bread from any father among you, will he give him a stone?"

Hmm but what if the son asks for a stone? Will the father give it to him?

Perhaps that was what I have been asking for all this while. A stone.

And what good has it brought me? Nothing but unhappiness and stress.

Only after truly letting it go do i feel relieved and perhaps even joy?

I thank God for letting me accept His will, I have decided not to go overseas! yay! :)

I thank God for pointing to me my direction in life when i almost lost my bearing and steered into the wrong way. The way of busyness and the lack of time for God. (at least for me)

Now what is even more important than to keep the faith?

"There are many plans in a man's heart, nevertheless the Lord's counsel - that will stand."

-Proverbs 19: 21

I thank God :D

2010-05-09T00:14:00.003+08:00

what do you do when you are really sad?

you hold back your tears for fear that you'll never stop crying for a long time

only when praying do you start crying

and then you finally go to sleep.

now this whole idea of going overseas to study suddenly seems so real :(

2010-03-04T21:54:00.006+08:00

Teach me Thy way, O Lord,

Teach me Thy way!

Thy guiding grace afford,

Teach me Thy way!

Help me to walk aright,

More by faith, less by sight;

Lead me with heavenly light,

Teach me Thy way!

This is it. Those few letters i receive tomorrow will determine if i will be cooking my meals, washing my own clothes and shivering in the cold for the next few years or eating nice home-cooked food and enjoy the warmth of the country. Though it is scary, I guess my pessimism has helped to prepare me for the worst. Of course i still hope for the best, but whatever it is, I really pray that I'll be able to accept God's will and continue to serve Him with all my heart for i do not belong to myself but to Him. Whichever the path i take, all that i hope for is for Him to hold my hand all the way.

PS: All the best to those getting your A level results tmr! :)

2010-02-12T00:38:00.003+08:00

I'm 19!

(Ah, don't know why the date looked so pleasant to me :P)

I really thank God for keeping me in His grace for 19 years. There have been ups and downs in my faith, but i'm thankful just to be able to remain in His house. :)

Looking back, i haven't really offered much to the Lord in these 19 years of my life. So, a new resolution on my 19th birthday is to put in more effort in service to the Lord and i am resolved to accomplish this before i become 2 decades old!

Also since time flies by, i have to treasure those around me more and not regret in future.

I hope i won't have to make these same resolutions on my 20th birthday because i've already accomplished them! :D

Anyway, thanks to everyone for the wishes, cards and presents!

2009-12-10T00:41:00.003+08:00

An Invitation :D

Event: Evangelical Service
Date: 11, 12, 13 December
Time: 7.30pm
Venue: True Jesus Church at Adam Road

As the saying goes: Live as if there is a God. If there is no God, you lose nothing. But if there is a God, you gain eternity.

please contact me if interested!

2009-12-08T22:43:00.002+08:00

It's so sad that self-centered people won't ever know/admit that they are for a simple reason: self-centeredness.

2009-12-04T01:29:00.001+08:00

He doesn't know that this is not what I really want.
He doesn't know that what appears on the surface is not what it really is.

He doesn't know how much it's hurting in there.

2009-11-23T18:43:00.002+08:00

And I thought econs was difficult and would be the most difficult...

Then chem came along with 40 horrible questions.

first question: circle.
second question: circle.
third question: wow finally, i know something.
fourth question: WHAT IS THIS?
fifth question: circle
sixth question: Not too sure but at least i have an answer.
seventh question: yay! i'm sure of this!
eight question: -_- don't know
ninth question: Is this even chem?
tenth question: did we even learn this before? none of the formula seems to work.
eleventh question onwards... panic panic panic, feel like giving up but persevere on.
(examiner announces 15 mins left): ?!!!?!! WHAT!! but, i'm only at question 20!
question 20 onwards: die die die, faster faster.
(2 minutes left): NOooooo.. 10 over blanks left! okay lah, just anyhow choose B or C.

I think i'm dead. Okay I don't even need to think, I'm dead.

2009-11-17T10:35:00.002+08:00

ARGH! I feel really stupid :(

and I dread dread dread dread dread econs tomorrow :S

2009-11-09T21:31:00.002+08:00

breathe in
breathe out
breathe in
breathe out

This is it, striving to put in my 100% effort and to have 100% reliance on my Faithful Guide.

but i'm still scared! ahhhhhhhh :(

2009-11-02T22:19:00.001+08:00

Have faith in God, He's on His throne
Have faith in God, He watches over His own
He cannot fail, He must prevail
Have faith in God,
have faith in God!

2009-11-01T21:21:00.003+08:00

I want to sleep, I want to eat properly, I want my holidays.
I'm so saturated and tired, but there isn't enough time left :(

2009-10-28T20:45:00.000+08:00

stressed stressed stressed stressed stressed :(

2009-10-19T19:59:00.002+08:00

It may seem peanuts to him, but that pack of 60cents peanuts surely did make my day!
:)

2009-09-24T23:46:00.007+08:00

I'm finally done with prelims! and I survived! :)

I really thank God for His careful guidance and for being there all the time I needed someone. Just this morning, i would have missed my paper if not for His guidance.
And if i do not do well (which is highly possible), there's no one else to blame except myself for not studying hard enough and for slacking too much. I'll just accept reality and work harder. But before the verdict is out, I'll enjoy myself!!! :D:D:D

Anyway, to those who are still struggling with exams or anything else in your life, here's one of my favourite songs (even thought it's in canto, you can read the subtitles!)

Just remember: He was, He is, and He will always be there for you
and i think that alone will pull you through the fiercest of all storms :D

2009-09-22T20:07:00.001+08:00

The thickness of my bio notes...
Okay i better go study NOW :S

2009-09-19T22:30:00.001+08:00

Yup, only I know, and God knows
and that's enough :)

2009-09-17T11:53:00.001+08:00

2009-09-13T10:38:00.002+08:00

God will make a way,
where there seems to be no way.
He works in ways we cannot see,
He will make a way for me.
He will be my guide,
hold me closely to His side.
With love and strength for each new day,
He will make a way,
He will make a way!

2009-09-05T22:18:00.001+08:00

So I'll cherish the old rugged cross,
till my trophies at last I lay down.
I will cling to the old rugged cross,
and exchange it some day for a crown.

2009-09-05T01:07:00.003+08:00

Nice clouds after a thunderstorm. I love looking at the skies :D

2009-08-23T20:10:00.002+08:00

This is going to be a very depressing post.
I don't have any motivation to study at all. I have no idea why but the motivation i used to have during O levels seems to have disappeared. I thought that being the last minute person i always am, i would regain this lost motivation nearing exams. But, it's 9 days to prelims, and in the past i would already have started panicking and chionging. But now, i know i have to do work, i know i have to work extra hard, but i just can't do it. I see no reason for doing it, i don't have any aim or maybe any hope of doing well at all. I do so much but still get extra lousy results. I have courses in mind, but it seems so far off that i don't think i'll ever be able to make it.

i know i need to buck up but i feel so lousy and stupid. I've lost all that determination and drive.
:(

2009-07-13T19:12:00.002+08:00

A day of realisation
A day of disappointment
A day of awakening
A day of resolution

side note: Yes, it's the curse of the durian! I got my first D, then a U. oh yea, i see the A coming!

2009-05-24T22:59:00.003+08:00

I know i shouldn't be slacking now. But with the restructured timetable, and the holidays drawing near, i can't help but start taking a slower pace to life. I actually have loads of homework and Common test in 1 month. I should be working even harder than ever now. ahh! Someone please give me some motivation.

2009-05-18T20:44:00.004+08:00

I will still continue to be nice to friends who treat me badly. I will not let their bad attitude and character undermine my worth. I miss the innocence of secondary school life and friends. The life and friends i make in JC are just like a prelude to the complexities of the real world. Pseudo acts of friendliness and kindness, all slowly unveiled through small little daily details. All the self-centredness and unkindness hidden under this pretentious face. Maybe this is the result of a highly competitive school environment for success. Whatever the case, I don't like this :(

2009-05-10T22:04:00.004+08:00

There is a new Gallus domesticus rice stall in our school canteen. Yea if you didn't know what that meant, it means there is a new chicken rice stall in our school canteen. Gallus domesticus means chicken, with its genus being Gallus and specific epithet being domesticus.

mmhmm, and the point is, biology just loves making simple things difficult. Zzz

2009-05-09T23:13:00.002+08:00

eventful week?
traumatising week?

All i know is that i had a bad week, probably the worst of this term. Am currently disappointed, demoralised, exhausted.

But one thing i'm comforted with is that i know He knows :D

I feel like slacking, i want it all to end. 3rd dec, come quickly!

2009-04-14T23:07:00.001+08:00

A friend in need is a friend indeed.

An old-fashioned saying, but how true this is.

2009-04-09T22:21:00.004+08:00

All the hard work has finally been paid off. :D Thank God!

Cheers to

NJ066! WOOHOO!!

Thank you sijia, jo-lin and shaunnie boy!! =)

2009-04-04T22:36:00.003+08:00

I'm like a rubber-band, stretched in all directions and as the tension increases, i'm not allowed to snap at all costs. Literally 'hanging on'. zzZ

2009-03-22T17:55:00.003+08:00

As I read through my previous posts during my O level year, i was so amazed at that kind of fighting spirit I had. Then i realised that it was because of the trust i had. Yes, this simple faith that God would definitely guide me through so that I need not worry about whatever results I get. I wonder what has become of this trust? Maybe it's because of the level of difficulty and workload I have that I've lost faith in myself and even more importantly, God. Foolish me! It suddenly occured to me that if there is anything that will cause my failure, it would be this lost of trust.

"With men this is impossible but with God all things are possible."
~Matthew 19:26

I hope it's not too late.

2009-03-08T19:34:00.004+08:00

How I wish for a day when i don't have to touch any homework and worry about getting As. If I tell this to any of my friends in NJ, they will probably ask me to dream on. This is how pathetic my life is now.
SIGHS...

2009-02-08T20:09:00.003+08:00

Yes! We conquered this building, this crazy 60 storey high office building. :D
Wonder what will happen to my legs tomorrow :/
Oh and the fastest person did it in like 6+ minutes. Totally madness.

2009-02-07T22:21:00.004+08:00

i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs i love econs I LOVE ECONS.

Yes, i'm just trying to psycho myself O.o

2009-01-04T22:16:00.011+08:00

Today we went to the:
I've always remembered the zoo to be a smelly and hot place but after close to 10 years, this trip was rather enjoyable!

Met things like.....

these

our little poser friend

the larger version of the gigantic lizard i saw in my bathroom

stinky but cute beings

the flower of a banana tree which i haven't seen before O.O

cute hippos

fascinating tumour-like red bum bums

giraffe look-alike ^.^

mouse look-alike

people trying to cook with fake fire -.-

glowing butterflies!!

yvonne's fav duckies :D

bats! it was an eye-opener and they actually looked quite cute ;)

and i forgot the name for this

Anyway, I'm really glad that I forsook my homework for the zoo!

But I have to turn on my engine and go on full blast like right NOW in order not to face the wrath of my teachers.

2008-12-25T21:01:00.006+08:00

Theolo 2008 came to an end yesterday.

Thank God for this grace to be able to complete 3 years of theolo.
Thank Him also for His guidance through 3 X 3 weeks of theolo.

As usual, I had mixed feelings and am still having mixed feelings having completed and graduated from the student theolo.
There is this joy,
then this stress,
then this anxiety,
then this fear,
then this sadness,
then this longing,
then this hope.

Memories are especially hurting when you know how wonderful it has been and yet you know that you will be unable to have the experience of them anymore in future. Just like my memories of these 3 years of theolo and how i will be unable to relive this exact same experience ever again.

Theolo, where everyone is able to live together and look to God and God alone has made me even more resolved to enter this everlasting kingdom of God. My hope, this kingdom of God, is this wonderful place where there will be no more sorrow or longing. For all good things will never ever come to an end at this place.

Therefore I will put all that I have been through and learnt in the past 22 days in my heart. Forever.

And one of them is that we have to kneel long in order to walk far.

Here is a brief thought about theolo and more will come later.
Sorry for any grammatical/spelling errors/weird english for the writer had merely 2.5 hours of sleep and is currently drifting into dreamland. Good night!

2008-12-01T19:52:00.003+08:00

Change my heart, make it new.
Change my heart, i want to be like You.
Fill my soul, forgive my sin.
Change my heart.

Change my heart, make it new.
Let my see the truth in You
Open my eyes, forgive my sin
Change my heart.

~Track 6 in my iTunes ;)

Theolo, here i come! Jean will come out renewed :D
Good bye.

2008-11-30T21:32:00.002+08:00

Spiritual meeting seems to have ended as soon as it begun. People say that as you get older time passes more quickly and i totally agree with it. I've got to admit that I'm getting older.

Seems as if i spent most of the time feeling tired and sleepy but hey, i still managed to take away many important teachings :D. Thank God for His guidance through these 3 days!

The end of spiritual meeting means that theolo is coming really soon and I don't feel prepared for it at all. I'm having mixed feelings again. I always look forward to theolo, but i'm also feeling a little scared this time. Weird.

Anyway, i'm feeling stressed all over again..... Chem, Bio, Econs and GP homework :( totally SIAN.

2008-11-09T00:27:00.003+08:00

Think you can multi-task? Learn from the master!

Ah, so very adorable! >.<

2008-11-08T22:45:00.002+08:00

If you treat everyday like your last, then maybe you would do things a little differently.

If you treat each time you sing a hymn like your last, then maybe you would put your heart and soul into singing it.

If you treat each prayer like your last, then maybe you would have been more focused and earnest in praying.

If you treat each time you read the bible like your last, then maybe you wouldn't have fallen asleep so quickly.

If you treat each time you play the piano like your last, then maybe you would have played with more conviction and feeling.

If you treat each time you go to church like your last, then maybe you would have been more joyful and thankful.

If you treat each time you speak to your parents like your last, then maybe you wouldn't have been so rude.

If you treat everything as your last, then maybe you would be grateful for each additional day that the Lord bestows unto you :D

2008-11-03T18:50:00.007+08:00

Project work has officially come to a closure after our oral presentation today! We have come a long way and indeed have gained one of Sim's value, perseverance! :D haha. And yes, i have deleted the 300 odd pw files in my computer! (The number of WR files was horrifying, there were close to 70 drafts :S)

Anyway, though there were many tough times during pw, i am glad that we managed to stay as a team and if not for my team members, i really wonder if i would be able hang on. So here is a big THANK YOU to Si Jia, Jo-Lin and Shuannie boy! :D Even though shaun has been a pig, i must say that i can see his effort in trying to help for past 2 months and that is enough. :D

Yes, i will miss pw. But this time i won't say something crazy like i wouldn't mind having pw again next year. I think the experience of pw over the past 8 months is enough for me already.

I will always remember our NJ066 cheer thingy. haha NJ066 jia you!

2008-10-14T22:00:00.002+08:00

For those stressed out by promos results, EOY results, pw, As, Os or anything else under the sun, here is something interesting. Thanks to 08S08 :D

A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room, So he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally typed the wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile..... somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends.

After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Reached
Date: 16 May 2002

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have
computers here now, and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones.

I've just reached and have been checked in.

I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

2008-09-29T19:20:00.003+08:00

My promos are over but why is my schedule tighter than before? As usual, it's all project work's fault. We have to finish the WR and OP 1 week. yes, 1 week! So after promos, it has been pw every single day and i guess this will continue on for the next month.

Even my church going time has been sacrificed. We were planning our pw agenda and when we came to saturday, i was like "Sat I cannot leh, I've got to go to church". Then my friends were like, "Aiya, you don't go to church for one day can? Pw very important leh. I'm sure your God will understand. I also sacrifice my piano lesson." We finally agreed to do it early in the morning so I will be able to attend afternoon service but their faces were already kind of black by then. I knew they were not very happy but i can sacrifice anything else like my sleep except church sabbath service. We didn't have any Saturday problems before, the problem came when someone sacrifices something and i can't.

Thinking back to the question posed to me, I'm really not prepared that the world will hate me. I don't even think that i can bear it if my group members dislike me because of this. I really have to work on my faith.

On a lighter note, the fellowship with Nafiri choir yesterday was wonderful. I hope everyone else enjoyed it too and I love the song sang by tk! The hall suddenly felt colder when they sang, that was how good it was :D

Oh and please continue to pray for those taking N levels, O levels, A levels and promos!

2008-09-25T21:38:00.004+08:00

WOOHOO!!! Promos are OVER!! :D:D:D

Now let's have some post-promos reflections.
For GP, I guess I just have to be better prepared in terms of content and i couldn't finish my AQ on time so i need better time management.

Econs was insanity. I tried studying it in 1 day and 1 night and I wouldn't dare to do that again. The night before econs was... indescribable. I just won't do it again :D I guess the paper was alright, it wasn't extremely difficult but it wasn't that easy either. Again, lack of time for essay question!!

I would say that i find chem one of the more manageable papers. Maybe my standard of the level of difficulty of chem has increased by leaps after common test but yes, i find it considerably manageable, in fact, i find it the easiest paper. Even so, i couldn't finish the paper -_- and let me tell you a secret!! NJ likes to put the easiest question as the last one, so in future do the last question first if you are running short of time.

Math was quite difficult. The integration equations were so complicated plus the fractions were so odd. However, it was the only paper i could complete in time. Why? because I left the questions i couldn't do blank -_-

Bio was one of the more challenging papers and I couldn't finish the essay question! 20marks flew away just like that because i couldn't manage my time well enough :(

In conclusion, i need better TIME MANAGEMENT. No idea why, but after the last paper today, i had that same feeling i had after Os. It was a feeling of sadness. Like, "promos is over? :(:(" I kind of missed those periods of studying, but let me clarify, i DON'T enjoy studying. Hmm, maybe it's just because i felt that i could have done better.

But all is not over yet. I still have my chem spa next week and pw needs much much much much much much editing!!

Jia you to those still having papers and thanks for all the encouragements! :D

2008-09-12T22:00:00.003+08:00

I'm very very stressed. I don't have enough time to study and i feel like giving up for pw. Promos start next week and i haven't started on chem, haven't started on econs, and i'm not even 25% done for my bio. We got back our wr third draft yesterday and it was a horror. It was so bad that i can literally tear up the whole wr, bin it, and start from scratch.

What is so disappointing is not the sarcastic and rude remarks of the teachers but that all our work has been fruitless. Imagine yourself sacrificing every sunday on pw, doing it till late at night, leaving only around 8/9pm and the result? remarks such as "don't think you can get away with minimal research, i'm not surprised that they rejected you" and big red crosses across our whole paper. The teacher even commented that she would not even give us a pass. I almost cried, the 3 of us almost cried. Actually i would say we all cried but tried so hard controlling it that there was not a single teardrop.

There is only one who can help me now. I badly need His help.

2008-09-07T21:33:00.007+08:00

With so much work undone, I am supposed to chiong everything by tonight but...
I just wasted 1 hour playing the new piano pieces i received.

Whenever i sit on the piano, i get stuck there for at least 1 hour.
So imagine myself sitting down at the piano 3 times a day. 3 hours X 5 days of the hols = 15 hours!

I think i should lock my piano for the next 3 weeks just to be safe.

The song that got me addicted today :D

2008-09-01T20:59:00.001+08:00

Bio spa tml. Please pray that I do not make a mess out of it.
Promos is in 2 weekssss!! Oh no oh no oh no........

I need a friend.

2008-08-21T18:03:00.004+08:00

I'm totally traumatised by my chem SPA today.

Firstly, before the experiment even begun, i lightly hit the measuring cylinder and it touched the table softly but miraculously, it broke. Then, while clearing up the mess, i cut my hand and didn't realise until i saw blood stains on my paper, calculator, pen and measuring cylinder...

After this first incident came my series of spillage and the examiner was standing just infront of my table. :S
The worst spill was when i mixed the two solutions together in the second experiment. The chemicals just fizzed/jumped/spilled out of my polystyrene cup onto the whole table and floor :(
Sigh, I think i was the bright star in the sea of grey that spilled like almost everything i took.

I did the experiments so badly that even Mindy asked if I was alright and Silvester behind was like "wah, spill again..." :(:(:(

I guess i'm alright, just a little tired and distracted.

2008-08-19T22:24:00.003+08:00

I feel so stupid. I get stuck in every single tutorial and every question that requires extra thinking is left blank. I really wonder how I am going to pass my promos. Promos is in 4 weeks and i haven't started studying. Econs va is due next monday and i haven't started doing it. I'm still trying to clear all the tutorials but i just keep getting stuck. PW WR was returned today and we were scolded like mad plus 3rd draft is due next tues and we have so so much to edit. This is so demoralising :(

Gender Differences

2008-08-14T21:16:00.003+08:00

Though a little stereotypical, i find some parts rather amusing, especially the shopping and toilet one. haha! enjoy :D

2008-08-02T21:28:00.001+08:00

I've realised that whatever beset you, God will always have a way out for you :D

2008-07-28T21:08:00.005+08:00

I'm very very very very very very irritated by this project work group member of mine. Or maybe i shouldn't even call him my project work group member. He is just a supposed group member. He does nothing, and when i say nothing, i really mean nothing. I would not hesitate at all to kick him out of the group if i could do it. Why should he take any credit for the work done by others? His name shouldn't even be on any of the items we have handed in.

Take the group project proposal for example. The 3 of us spent late nights having mass conversations in order to rush the GPP out in 2 weeks to meet the deadline but where was he? Probably playing some game like dota. I still remembering doing his whole part for him and there wasn't even a word of thanks or apology. Today, my pw group met again to edit the introduction for the written report and to prepare out presentation for tomorrow but where was he? He just used the excuse of his Taiwan immersion programme and went to slack. He did not even bother to ask if we needed help in anything and the presentation is tomorrow. Oh well, i guess he wouldn't even know what to write and would just spoil our whole project.

I cannot stand this irresponsible attitude of his. In pw meetings, he does not give any constructive ideas at all. All he is capable of is distracting the whole group by talking about something else completely irrelevant. He claims that pw is too difficult and thus he does not help. Hello, please wake up. You think it's easy for us? You think we enjoy doing it? Stop thinking for yourself only. If there is one thing i cannot stand, i cannot stand people who only care about themselves.

Okay I think i have cooled down. There is no point being so angry with him. I have done all that i can, i have been very tolerant of him, i have been helping him cover up in front of the teacher and i know that the Lord is just. The Lord will give him what he deserves and will give us what we deserve. Okay, it is comforting just to know this :D
Haha, sorry for making all you innocent people read this but i find this a sad reality in life. Not everyone will be that nice and helpful, there is the existence of this kind of people and you should hope that you will not encounter them, but if you do, just take them on with a clear mind and do not let them bother you for more than a day. Always bear in mind that God is a just God.

2008-07-20T20:31:00.002+08:00

The JY '05 and the current IY '08 consist of the same people. However, i feel that we have drawn apart by so much. I would say that we were once quite close and united. Frankly speaking, now i no longer feel that closeness and that bond amongst us. We merely see each other every Saturday and then it would be bye bye, you continue with your busy life and i continue with mine.

I guess it is our busy schedules that results in less outings, less communication, less activities in church and less prayers together. Remember how we stayed till late at night to spring clean the church before spiritual meetings? Remember how we spent time painting our JY classroom? Remember how we had those outings and dinners together? Remember how we always had extra prayers every spiritual meeting and in our first year theolo?

I love praying with this batch of people. When we pray together, i can not only hear but also feel the sincerity and really it has moved me more than once. The unity of those fervent voices that cry out to Him sounded like one voice. So loud, so different, but yet so united.

There is this stay over thingy in church this coming Saturday. Please do stay, then we can pray together once again :D

2008-07-11T23:38:00.001+08:00

Look at the mouth: anger
Look at the eyebrows and eyes: anxiousness coupled with a little helplessness
HAHA

2008-07-05T23:03:00.003+08:00

How can someone ever be so inconsiderate? I was on the bus heading home when there was this lady, or I would say auntie, who just refused to move in. She was standing in the middle and just refused to budge even though there was this huge space behind her. When a few of us tried to go pass her to the back of the bus, she didn't even make the slightest effort to take one step forward to let us through. She saw the people in front already standing on the steps but still refused to move.

I seriously don't know why she was so reluctant to move in. Maybe she had grown roots and was stuck there, or maybe she was just horribly self-centered, proud, stubborn, selfish and thought that the whole world revolved around her. It did come across my mind that she may have some difficulty moving about. However, i was proven wrong when she rushed to an empty seat at the back of the bus. I was even more convinced that she was just plain selfish when she did not allow the old lady in front of her to sit but rather sat down as if that seat was rightfully hers.

When i finally had a seat, i saw this lesbian couple in front of me. They looked like two perfectly normal girls except that they were holding hands and one of the girl was leaning on the other's shoulder. Hai, the signs are becoming even more obvious. What used to be an abnormality in the past is becoming so common. What is this world coming to?

Reflection on my grades

2008-07-04T23:49:00.001+08:00

The first paper i got back this week was Chemistry. At first look, 40.0/100. What grade is this? Oh Sub-pass.
As we were going through the MCQs, oh no, Ms Sim recorded my marks wrongly. 40-1=39=U grade :(

Actually I kind of expected this kind of grade for my chemistry. The paper was terribly difficult. I did not manage to finish the paper, shaded 10 out of 20 MCQs randomly. The structured questions? Needless to say, i just skipped all the questions that were longer than 3 sentences.

Since this is my reflection, i shall not put the blame of my poor grade on the difficult paper.
I guess there are many reasons for my poor grade.
1) I only studied chemistry in the last week of the holidays and spent only 3 days on it.
2) Within such a short time period, i had no time to look through my tutorials, much less practise any questions.
3) It is clear from this paper that chemistry demands me to be very familiar with the concepts and i obviously have not grasp the concepts well enough.

The second paper I got back was Mathematics. Thank God I got an A, but I must say that I could have gotten better results. There were so many questions that I left blank and I would need better time management as well as presentation skills.

The last paper returned was Biology mcq, 12/20. Hai, i'm below average. However, I'm still grateful that I managed to pass. I don't expect my section B to be well done as i did not study enough as well :( I spent all my time studying cell division when it was only coming out for MCQs, and i only found out on the day itself!! Thus, I did not have time to read through biological molecules thoroughly and there were so many questions on it! :(

I will be getting back econs, gp and bio section B next week. I hope and really need to pass!! I don't want to see my principal :(

I've really learnt my lesson this time. For my promos I will make sure I start studying 1 month before. No more procrastinating if I want to promote to J2!!!

2008-07-02T17:05:00.002+08:00

Happy birthday Carmen!!!

This post is specially dedicated to my dear carms in south africa.
I wouldn't say you are older, but i will say that you are more mature! :P
Miss you! Take care of yourself and may God continue to guide you in your daily life!
Hope to see you soon :D

2008-06-04T21:55:00.002+08:00

I have been slacking big time. Till now, I haven't touched a single subject nor taken out a single homework to do. I don't even know what homework i have. If not for jo who reminded me about the biology va quiz, i think i would have missed doing it and lost my marks too :S.

Oh no! I fear taking out my diary now for i know it will come as a great realisation on how much things i have to do and how little time i have left. Common test is in 2.5 weeks time. AHHHH!!!

Jean you better wake up and start studying TOMORROW. Alas, I'm still in that holiday mood and it's just so difficult to get started. Oh well, i shall just enjoy myself for one more night :D

Trip to Gunong Stong, Malaysia 28/5-31/5

2008-06-03T15:42:00.012+08:00

All in all, i would say that the train ride to Dabong was the most comfortable. After 13 hours in the train, we began our hike up Stong. A series of panting like dogs, bathing in perspiration, cooking in darkness, soaking in the waterfall and running through leech infested swamps then began.

We took 3 hours hiking up to the base camp. I think i grew shorter carrying this heavy backpack that weighed about 8kg. I am quite amazed that I managed to reach the base camp. The view there was totally worth the climb.

Our first sight of the waterfall

We climbed into that mist :)

Base camp!

Yay!! summit!!

After taking a rest, we continued our hike up to the summit (oops! haha, the pic above was actually the view from the base camp. heh). It was a pity that we did not manage to reach the peak. After hiking for 4 hours, we decided to turn back as night was falling and if we continued up to the peak, we would probably reach the base camp at 12am. Too dangerous! We reached base camp at 7pm and cooked in the dark. Even though we were sleeping in tents, i was almost frozen in the morning.

On the way to the peak. This was where we drank the water directly from the waterfall.
There were two HUGE rocks (i have never seen any rock that huge in my life) balancing on their tips and just walking underneath the rocks made me afraid but i thought of the verse in psalm 46: 2. God will protect me and even if the rocks were to fall, i will not be afraid :D

Watching the sunrise. Look at how low the clouds were.

The sun and clouds rose :D

Some playing time

Oh no we are falling! AHH.... ;)

The bottom of the waterfall

After reaching the bottom of the mountain, we went to 3 caves. We had to hike up to these caves and the route there was even more dangerous then that up the mountain. There we thorny branches and sharp rocks moreover, we trekked in the thunderstorm and got drenched. The last cave was the most fun. It had a super small opening and we had to lie down and dive in water in order to enter. It looked very intimidating from the outside and i was hesitant on entering. However I'm glad i did! :D After going through the bat cave, the instructions were: "We are going through a place filled with leeches. We are going to run through. Take the necessary precautions." Haha, we tucked in our shirts, pulled up our socks and chionged through the swamp. Thank God, i didn't get bitten. However some others were not so fortunate.

The first cave, a limestone cave. This cave was once submerged in sea water and it took 150 million years to form.

I forgot the name of this. Something you learn in geography that is shiny and takes thousands of years to grow from the ground.

Caving was the last item on the itinerary. We were looking forward to the train ride home when guess what? The travel guide booked the wrong date for our departure.

We had 3 choices: 1) to hike back up to base camp and stay there which is definitely NO. 2) To wait till morning 5am for a coach to Singapore. 3) To board the train we were supposed to but we had to stand between carriages without any seats.

We chose the third option and began 13 hours of torture.

The place where people put bags became the best sleeping place for us.

For once, I felt like an illegal immigrant. I would like to thank my group for keeping the spirits high. If it were not for those constant jokes and laughter, i would not have been able to endure the 13hours.

Thank God for keeping me safe throughout this whole journey. I did not have any injuries except for some minor scratches. :D

2008-05-18T15:07:00.003+08:00

A meaningful poem shared during the IY class yesterday:

The Lifebuilder's Creed

Dale Witherington

Today is the most important day of my life.
Yesterday with its successes and victories, struggles and failures
is gone forever.
The past is past.
Done.
Finished.
I cannot relieve it, I cannot go back and change it.
But i will learn from it and improve my Today.

Today. This moment. NOW.
It is God's gift to me and it is all that I have.

Tomorrow with all its joys and sorrows, triumphs and
troubles isn't here yet.
Indeed, tomorrow may never come.
Therefore, I will not worry about tomorrow.

Today is what God has entrusted to me.
It is all that I have. I will do my best in it.
I will demonstrate the best of me in it-
my character, giftedness, and abilities-
to my family and friends, clients and associates.
I will identify those things that are most important
to do Today,
and those things I will do until they are done.
And when this day is done
I will look back with satisfaction at that
which I have accomplished,

Then, and only then, will I plan my tomorrow,
Looking to improve upon Today, with God's help.

Then i shall go to sleep in peace...

Three thoughts gathered from this poem:
1. No matter how good/lousy we were in the past, it is the past. We should not live on them but rather learn from our mistakes.
2. We do not know if we have a tomorrow, therefore we should not worry about tomorrow.
3. Today, NOW is what we have. Therefore do what we think is important Today, do not procrastinate!

"... And there will be famines, pestilence, and earthquakes in various places. All these are the beginning of sorrows."

Does this sound very familiar?
Consider the recent twin tragedies in Asia. All these are only the beginning so do not expect things to get better.

"Take heed, watch and pray; for you do not know when the time is."

The most important thing that we have to do Today.

"... Go into all the world and preach the gospel to every creature."

The tragedies have been a reminder that we should buck up and start preaching to our friends. Hymnal Evangelistic is coming up in June, we do not want to miss this opportunity.

2008-04-27T22:48:00.005+08:00

I miss him.
This guy who bullies me almost everyday.
This guy who comes in to lie on my bed and disturb me during my Os such that i have to chase him out.
This guy who goes to church with me for youth services.
This guy who goes home with me after dinner on Saturdays
This guy who makes me angry.
This guy who always has that mischievous smile on his face
They say time flies by it has only been 2 months. I cannot imagine another 2 years and 10 months...

I must say i am starting to feel lonely amidst this hectic life.

2008-04-12T00:16:00.004+08:00

My JC life now is just like a game of Tetris.
The bricks of homework just keep falling and piling up before i even have time to arrange them in neat rows.
Furthermore i am only at level 1 or 2 now. I cannot imagine myself being in level 10 :S
If lose, i cannot just close the game. The game has to be played from level 1 again.
AH!! This means i have to win!! I have to pass this year's promos and next year's A levels!!

I am currently B.U.S.Y. no good no good, I feel myself drawing further away :(

2008-03-30T19:56:00.002+08:00

I don't know about tomorrow, I just live from day to day.
I don't borrow from its sunshine, for its skies may turn to gray.
I don't worry over the future, for I know what Jesus said,
and today I'll walk beside Him, for He knows what is ahead.
Many things about tomorrow, I don't seem to understand
But I know who holds tomorrow, and I know who holds my hand.
~368, hymns of praise

2008-02-21T21:42:00.009+08:00

I miss the mud, flour, starch and dirty water
I miss the mass cheers
I miss the complicated mass dance
I miss the canteen and void deck
I miss the lifts
I miss the mac lab
I miss the swimming pe
I miss the crazy mass pe
I miss the enthu and nice ogls
I miss the funny and lame advertisements every morning
I miss the air conditioners
I miss BAUTISUS
I miss 1SC2
I miss seres
I miss the sports complex toilet
I miss the swimming pool
I miss warrick, merryn and li shaan
I miss miss zhu
I miss the lively and active environment
I miss ACJC! The best is yet to be!

Li shaan, warrick, merryn

Sherilyn behind me, wah danger!

Oh, her attempt failed! ahaha

wah so act cute!

MR NICEs of 1sc2 :D

Haily

sarah, amanda ang

ser ser SERENA!!

sarah, mansi

xi wen, akalya

Jocelyn, amanda tan

Joanne, vanessa

Zhi Hao, mr nice guy :D

1 sc2 in LT5 or LT6

Mansi, serena

han siang, jasper

Nj's road run tomorrow. Oh well, time to lose weight!

2008-02-12T17:30:00.000+08:00

SEVENTEEN!!
It feels old to ME. I must emphasize the word me lest some people who are older roll their eyes and give me the stares ;)
Okay just kidding. But it's true how time flies and as you grow older, the days seems to fly pass you more quickly. This only reminds me of two things: WATCH AND PRAY!!

I remember a verse i shared with the iys a few saturdays back: Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; And i will dwell in the house of the Lord Forever. ~Psalm 23: 6
Even at my age which is considered young, some of my peers are already no longer coming to church. It is really no easy feat to dwell in the house of the Lord forever. I would consider it to be a great blessing to be able to do so. Therefore what does seventeen mean to me? It means to grow in faith and character as well as to thank God for preserving me in His house :D

Many thanks to 1sc2 for the cakes and birthday card :D as well as ms zhu for the timeout! Sherilyn tried making me blow flour but her plan failed! haha, except for some cream on my face, i was generally clean PHEW.

card by 1sc2 :D

Thanks to Ogls and bau for that 'square' balloon, huge card as well as delicious cake too :D:D:D
That balloon indeed attracted a lot of attention. haha, throughout the whole day i had random people saying happy birthday, teachers singing and wishing me happy birthday. Oh and THAT balloon went around knocking innocent people on the head!! HAHA, my apologies. :P

from my most loved OG, BAUTISUS :D

Lastly thanks for those lovely presents, some of them are so cute, especially that little pooh bear from my bro! :):)

I think i have gained at least 3kg from all the cny goodies as well as the deliciously creamy chocolate cakes. :S Not to worry, cross country is tomorrow and i shall sweat it all out!!

2008-02-05T21:53:00.000+08:00

School has been boring, okay maybe not so fun, and yes, TIRING. now we have few breaks with lots of lessons cramped into one day. On mondays, we only have one pathetic 20min break for one whole day of lessons :( The lecturers go very quickly during lectures too. Just diverting your attention for few minutes would result in you not being able catch what the lecturer is talking about for the next 5 mins. :S

-__-"'

The latest fashion trend?

2008-01-24T19:50:00.000+08:00

I really want to thank God and thank Him again :D
Thanks for all the prayers and encouragement too! I will never forget them.
It still feels like a dream.

2008-01-21T16:07:00.001+08:00

O level results will be released this thursday!!!!!!
Getting the jitters...
Please pray for all the O levelers :S

2008-01-17T18:51:00.000+08:00

i don't understand math lectures...
i don't understand chem lectures...
i don't understand bio lectures...
i don't understand econs lectures...

AHHH!!! :S:S:S:S:S:S
studystudystudy!!

2008-01-12T23:11:00.001+08:00

This made my day :D
http://jean.tan.youaremighty.com/
go and watch it, it really is hilarious!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

2008-01-12T21:45:00.000+08:00

The first week of lectures has been very slack. we only have about 3 hours of lectures and the rest of the time are either game sessions in the library or stoning sessions in the canteen :D I still can't adjust to this kind of relaxed school life.

hurry hurry take a pic before the mrt doors open!! ;)

muddy BAU :D

O level results are coming out soon. NJC? ACJC? NJC? ACJC? Oh well, i may not even be able to stay in ac. Pray pray pray!!!

2008-01-07T21:22:00.000+08:00

A-C-J-C
AC-AC-J-C
North-South-East-West-
North South-East West-Who's the best?-
AC-AC is the best!!!!

hmm, i might be persuaded to stay on in acjc after all. I must say that their orientation is wonderful.
After 4 days of rolling in the mud, having butt juice on your hair, starch all over you, bathing in disgusting water, sitting on lemons and lots of cheering, i must say that the wonderful OGLs have instilled an ac spirit in me. Also, the acjc values of integrity, tenacity and passion in the pursuit of truth are in my head now.
Many thanks to my wonderful OGLs, you are the BEST OGLs of the BEST OG :D:D:D

baubaubautisus!!! ;)

btw, have a look at our mass dance at www.acfied.blogspot.com. Imagine the dance being 8 times faster :P

PS: the thing about a monkey coming into my room to steal my lip balm is true! hahas, it was a REAL monkey.

2007-12-03T09:56:00.000+08:00

I'll be gone from 3-25 dec :D
Don't miss me!! :D

2007-11-22T19:59:00.000+08:00

New teens camp 17-211107

This year, i went to the camp no longer as a participant but as a helper. Sometimes i was even called The Helper by some of the cheeky girls ;)

The students were great and i had an enjoyable time with them :D We went to ubin for 2 days and 1 night and I regret not wearing long pants there, less than 2 hours and my legs were already badly bitten. However, apart from the mosquitoes, i enjoyed myself for every minute and second. Of the more memorable events were the pitching of the tent in the rain, the mini singing session during the night trekking and the crazy games we played at night. :D:D:D:D:D:D

The place of wonderful memories

Our crazy game session ;)

The Helpers and the tent we pitched in the rain :D

Watching the sunrise

On the ferry leaving ubin

Wonderful people now with wonderful memories

Thank God for His protection and guidance throughout the whole camp. Thanks also to Sis Ivy and her mum for their warm welcome!! :D

2007-11-22T13:07:00.001+08:00

Grad night 151107

The event was supposed to start at 6pm. However at 6pm, we (zeren, joyce, may yan and i) were still in may yan's house. Then there came a series of calls from kia ngee and group hurrying us and telling us that the doors were closing. We rushed out of the house, ran down the stairs with our heels and all and begged a taxi driver to drive us there. After much panic and anxiety, we finally arrived at MM hotel. However, everyone was still chatting and hanging around -___- Argh, SCAMMED!!!!

The programme for the night was so-so. It wasn't very exciting, neither was it very boring. It was freezing cold and i didn't regret wearing my red carpet!! :P We spent most of the time taking pictures. Oh, and our trip home was hilarious!! haha

Class of 403 '07

In the lovely toilet with my lovely friends :D

with my craPstick friend

This pic is specially taken for samantha lee ;)

2007-11-13T22:00:00.000+08:00

Let me tell you a secret,
MY O LEVELS ARE OVER!!!! :D:D:D:D:D:D

Actually, i felt kind of sad after i handed up the last paper. It marked the end of my secondary school life and my O level days of chionging and studying and stressing out with my beloved friends. :) However, i was glad and relieved too. hmm, mixed feelings.

Thanks people for the prayers and encouragement :D

Btw to my crapstick friend: There is a surprise awaiting you this thursday!! ;)

wow, what a BIG lollipop!! :P

2007-11-05T21:06:00.000+08:00

Do you see the light at the end of the tunnel? I see it! and it's getting brighter with each passing day :D Let's all JIA YOU for soon we'll reach the end of the tunnel!!

Although exams are stressful, they aren't all that bad. You gain many wonderful experiences and learn lots of things. Most importantly, many special bonds are forged between you and your friends. I guess you relate to them because of the common hardships you share. When you say that you are stressed and worried for the next paper, only those friends taking the same exam as you will truly understand how you feel, only the comfort given by them are the most assuring. Actually, i think i wouldn't mind taking the Os again! ;)

Exams train your self-control too. At times when you are really exhausted, when you feel like sleeping on that nice comfortable bed of yours, your self-control is being put to the test. Do you succumb or do you have the determination to finish reading that boring and wordy textbook? Thankfully I am someone who cannot go to sleep if i do not finish studying, therefore no matter what, i will definitely complete the whole textbook. Except for geog and ss of course. haha

God is really wonderful. Ask and you shall receive :D

2007-10-27T17:40:00.000+08:00

"And do not be conformed to this world..."
~Romans 12:2

Sometimes i just feel that this is so difficult to achieve. Especially in a generation like ours where the things of the world are so attractive and everyone is drawn to them. In church, our conversation topics are always about the outside world. Rarely do we talk about the things of God. In REU lessons, little attention is paid to the teacher. Are we just not interested in the things of God, or are we just too interested in the things of the world? Why do we always seek our own and not the things of God? I need theolo!!

It's the exam period for me now, and though i rely on God to guide me through the exams, everything else has been put on hold. It's just so difficult to give God priority. Even though i know that ultimately my faith is still the most important, i still put great emphasis on my exams, to the extent of sacrificing my bible reading and service times with God. I missed choir again today, but i felt so bad that i spent my time reading the bible and praying instead of studying. haha after all, it's still the Sabbath and all the time i have is given by Him. This is the least i can do. :D

"Set your minds on things above, not on things on the earth."
~Colossians 3:2

PS: People, please get back that drive!

2007-10-09T22:09:00.000+08:00

URGENT! please pray for Pr Joseph Chong. The bacteria in his leg can't be killed after the operation. Doctors have no cure for it :(

2007-10-09T19:53:00.001+08:00

Phew, my practicals are over :D Thank God that there were only 3 examiners plus the video camera and the guy taking the video. The other room had 5 examiners, HAHA. But this was in exchange for the LOUSY piano that didn't produce any sound whenever i tried to play soft. This didn't help me very much as i had ppp in my second piece :S

The relay msg is also getting lamer -__-
Yesterday: Tomorrow je library at 10am, come earlier to camp for place to sit please.
Yesterday (later at night, modified): Tomorrow je library at 10am, come earlier to camp for place to sit please. Pass to 5 or more people or you won't do well for O levels.
Today: Tomorrow 0930 camp outside je library. If you don't come or don't send this to 7 people, your o level L1R5 WILL BE DOUBLE DIGIT.

Ah!! Bukit panjang amath papers are really terrible! It's only the first qn and i'm already STUCK.

Oh, please don't forget to pray at 11pm every night! :)
Prayer list:
- people taking O levels
- people taking A levels
- prayer requests + church work

2007-10-08T22:41:00.000+08:00

Oh no, O levels is in 14 days and my music practicals is tomorrow! NOW i'm really starting to panic :S

2007-10-04T22:37:00.000+08:00

I HAVE A LOT OF HOMEWORK!!!
hmm, i am intending to chiong finsh all my homework in 2 days ;)
any companions??
and and and, i DON'T LIKE moderation. It is IRRITATING!

Btw, here is a funny conversation i had on msn:
me: 'WHERE IS THE JUTICE?!'
lame guy: 'WHERE IS THE S IN JUTICE?!'
me: 'HAHA, it is here'
me: 'S'
lame guy: 'oh you found it'
lame guy: 'now justice is done'
me: -________-

and you should be able to guess what the rest of the whole convo was like.
Okay, i understand, it is the exam stress :S

2007-10-01T16:14:00.000+08:00

We will be praying at 11pm every night. Please join if you can :D
Do remember these people in your prayers:
- Those having eoy exams
- Those having N levels
- Those having O levels
- Those having A levels
- Those having promos
- Those having uni tests
+ the usual prayer requests and the church work

Prayer really works wonders! :)